Not self pity, just thinking(does this title make sense)

I just got back from shopping. I got some really cute socks. They are yellow and have a lot of different colors striped through it. I also got a poster with all the names of Christ that are found in the bible on it. It looks really cool because it is on a paper that looks like a scroll. It will look nice in my room.

I've been thinking about this for some time and I think I found a good way to explain it. In Matthew 5:16 it says "let your light so shine before men that they may see they good works and glorify thy father which is in heaven." I want my light to shine; to be a beacon so if someone looks at my life they will see the influence God has in my life and want it in theirs. But sometimes I wonder if I am blocking myself from this opportunity. Everybody wants to be in a position to show people the light that Christ has. And sometimes I feel that if I just put a little more effort I can make a bigger difference in my life and others. And this is what the difference is. I think I have a problem in being critical. This problem doesn't come from wanting to change people rather it comes an insecurity I have. When I first moved here I was kind of deluded. I kind of saw them as idols. I was afraid to say hi to them. Now I see them as people who can be friends and people to enjoy. Likewise when I had my first blog I was afraid to be myself on my it, I was even afraid to comment for fear that my comments wouldn't be good enough. Now that I am getting over this fear I want to make amends so to speak. But now though most of the people have forgiven, forgotten, and have become my friends. But some of the people won't forgive me. They have even humiliated me publicly. And even though that hurts what hurts more is the fact that by doing this I have ruined the chance to show them that Christ is the greatest. That he'll save them, always be there for them. And so I wonder if I had said something nice instead of mean might have helped them to Christ and salvation? That thought hurts. So now I have decided that I will make a conscious effort to do better.
By the way it was my birthday yesterday and my sister zaya gave me the DVD Phantom of the Opera!! She is so awesome. Well we are going to watch What’s up Doc with Babra Streisand. I love her movies and that one in particular. Well must go.